Today’s passage touches on a fairly controversial topic: biblical attitudes, behavior, and roles of husbands & wives
On the one hand, the principles in this and similar passages (e.g. Ephesians 5:22-33) appear to be at odds with the values of society so some people try to explain them away
They might claim that Peter & Paul were just male chauvinist pigs expressing their bigoted views
We cannot take this view if we believe the Bible to be God’s Word
These men under the perfect guidance of the Holy Spirit wrote exactly what God wanted rather than their own interpretations (cf. 2 Peter 1:20-21)
Others might claim that the idea of gender roles in marriage is purely cultural
i.e. this had relevance to the original readers as they lived within the pattern of Roman society, but we are much more enlightened so they don’t apply to us
It is true that exactly how these principles play out may vary between cultures (e.g. a Roman husband was largely responsible for his wife’s education), but the basic principles are based on universal patterns established by God
At creation: Eve is Adam’s companion & helper (Genesis 2:18)
Every marriage is a picture of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32)
Part of this negative reaction is because on the other side of the spectrum these passages have been misused to justify degrading and/or abusive attitudes & treatment toward women
Just in the last couple weeks, the dismissive, mocking tone of a well-known preacher when speaking about women’s roles has reinforced this impression
Some basically teach that women are mentally inferior to men and more prone to sin so us menfolk have to keep a tight rein on you silly wayward women
Some misuse these passages to tell women that their place is to sit down, shut up, pop out some babies, and go make me a sammich (and if you really feel you have to do something in public maybe I’ll let you sell Avon or Pampered Chef to your girlfriends)
Somewhere between these extremes are the actual principles for a marriage that honors God by following his pattern from creation and mirroring the relationship between Christ & the church
If you’re single there are still valuable things in this passage for you
It will be good to know if you get married at some point in the future
Even if God’s plan for you is remaining single, the teachings on modesty, gentleness, and respect in this passage are helpful to everyone
Peter has just been talking about honoring/respecting everyone (2:17ff), and that is the aspect of marriage he is going to emphasize as he talks to husbands and wives
(1-6) Wives: Submission & Modesty
Peter is especially concerned for wives whose husbands are not committed Christians
Presumably these would mostly be wives who became Christians at some point after they were married, so their religion no longer matched that of their husband
In the Roman world this could be a source of great irritation and quite possibly shame to the husband…Roman society expected wives to worship their husband’s gods
This goes right along with the book’s theme of how to interact with society that increasingly regards Christians as dangerous outsiders
The basic principles are the same as in passages by Paul where he seems to be assuming that both spouses are committed Christians
The principles don’t change based on whether the other person is saved or not (just as we saw with government authorities and masters/employers last week)
Though emphasizing the possible impact on an unbelieving spouse, the basic principles are applicable to a married relationship in which both spouses are believers
(1-2) Likewise (in the same spirit of honoring all people as discussed in 2:17 + context), wives should allow their husbands to be the head/leader of the home and treat him with respect
We will talk about how the husband is supposed to use that position of leadership when we get down to verse 7
…but this isn’t presented as “if he does his part, then you respect him and let him lead”
In every area in which God has instructed us, we are expected to obey his principles and commands whether others make it easy or hard for us to do so
“Well, what about a physically abusive husband or one who asks you to do something sinful?” Same principles as last week:
If there is an unavoidable choice between obeying God or man, obey God while showing as much respect as possible to man
Jesus gave permission & his apostles and believers set the example of fleeing and/or seeking legal protection from those who tried to physically harm them…
…in the context it is usually from government officials, but I assume it applies to other physically dangerous situations as well
What a husband’s leadership responsibilities as head of the home look like day-to-day will vary somewhat across time and culture, so Peter leaves this a bit vague
His point regarding the wife is that she does not work against her husband’s decisions for the family nor does she belittle/shame him
She isn’t a passive puppet who never gives input and has no life of her own, but neither is she the constant antagonist who has to keep her idiot husband in line
Rather, she is her husband’s companion and helper who allows him to take the lead
Notice this is describing a wife’s relationship to her own husband
This is not a blanket statement putting all women under the authority of all men
This is a description of how God designed relationships to work within individual families
When wives of unbelieving husbands follow God’s pattern for marriage, it can be a powerful testimony to the love and goodness of God
…a testimony that can be far more effective than constant verbal badgering about the things of God
…a testimony that can result in unbelieving husbands wanting to find out what this faith is that makes the home a more peaceful place
(3-4) Wives should not try to prove their value through pursuing society’s version of outward beauty, fashion, or wealth
While addressed to wives, this principle of modesty is important for all Christians
Usually when we hear the word modesty, we think of not dressing in a way that is deliberately sexually provocative…but the biblical concept of modesty is much broader
We are not supposed to be primarily concerned with getting people to notice our appearance and admire us (as sexy/rich/fashionable/gorgeous/skinny/whatever)
This doesn’t mean we can’t wear nice things or that we should look like slobs
It speaks to why we choose to present ourselves the way we do…and if our aim is primarily to be admired or valued by others (or if our appearance is where we find our own sense of being valuable) our priorities are out of whack
If we feel like we must spend large amounts of time and/or money to be seen with the right hairdo, fashion, makeup, smartphone, car, physique, etc. we need to check ourselves…these things are temporary and have no eternal value
Peter, talking to Christian wives, reminds them that true beauty is beauty of character
And this isn’t just a “make the homely person feel better” platitude
It reflects God’s value – it is very precious in his sight
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30
Having a gentle and quiet spirit doesn’t mean you can’t be outgoing and bubbly if that’s your natural personality
This isn’t about becoming a mousy little woman with no personality or opinions
It is about treating others with consideration and kindness
It’s about not being the kind of person who is harsh and demanding and is going to make sure you pay for it if you displease them
(5-6) Peter uses Sarah from the Old Testament as an example
Sarah, the wife of Abraham, was mother of the miraculously conceived son Isaac and through him, God’s chosen nation of Israel
To follow the example of Sarah and other godly women of the Old Testament gives you spiritual kinship with some of the great heroes of the Faith
Even if it makes you seem “unenlightened” to our society…
Like any human being, Sarah wasn’t perfect, but she willingly followed Abraham on his God-ordained wanderings, following his lead and addressing him with respect
She did this even though it meant going into the unknown with her husband and living a nomadic life rather than having a fixed permanent home
She did this even when it meant watching Abraham walk off into the distance with their only son to offer him as a sacrifice to God (Genesis 22)
She did this even though Abraham didn’t always make the best decisions, getting them into some very touchy situations
She lived a life of courage alongside her husband as they followed God’s leading and she is honored by her nation and by God himself
(7) Husbands: Understanding & Honor
Husbands, before we start congratulating ourselves on God making us the big bad heads of the house, let’s see how we’re supposed to be using that position
Matthew 20:25-27 – Biblical authority is not meant to be used for personal advantage or as a pretext for lording it over other people… we have the example of Jesus himself
The husband who follows the example and commands of Jesus Christ will use his leadership for the good of his wife and children…Peter packs a lot into one verse
He starts with likewise
In other words, we are still on the topic of showing honor/respect to all people
Your wife is a human being made in the image of God just like you are, and receives the gift of true life through faith in Jesus Christ just like you do
…and if she hasn’t trusted in Jesus Christ, maybe you treating her with the same selflessness with which Christ treated the church will help bring her to faith
…just as the godly lifestyle of a wife may draw her unbelieving husband to Christ
We must treat our wives with understanding (literally “according to knowledge”)
Some translations use the word considerate which is another good way to express it
The idea is knowing and prioritizing your wife’s spiritual, emotional, and physical needs
Don’t be the oblivious husband who spends his time away from work pursuing his own hobbies/interests and his wife is just kind of a roommate with benefits
Be aware of how your words & actions affect her…Don’t be the guy who says “I told you I loved you when we got married, and I’ll let you know if it ever changes”
Love and honor her by doing things together that you both enjoy
Including seeking her input on family decisions
Including things that are of spiritual benefit like participating in the life of the church
Including things that might not be your favorite thing in the world, but you enjoy them because of the joy it brings her
Peter refers to wives as “the weaker vessel” which here emphasizes difference in physical strength (and in the Roman world would also include difference in legal/financial standing)
The point: Husbands, don’t you dare use physical strength, emotional coldness, legal rights, or any other advantage you think you have over her for your own selfish ends
Her happiness and well-being should be more important to you than your own
This isn’t just a matter between you and her: it’s between you and God – in this relationship that is meant to represent the love of Christ and the church, you are meant to be representing Christ
A failure to show Christ-like love to your wife is a sin against her and against God
Like any ongoing sin in your life, it will hinder your fellowship with him
A few verses down (3:12) Peter quotes from Psalm 34 about how God sets his face against those who do evil
Psalm 66:18 comes right out and says that when we persist in knowingly sinning God does not listen to our prayers
Applications
Live modestly: Don’t seek your value in having others admire your appearance, status, or possessions
Wives: treat your husband with respect and allow him to lead the family
In how you talk to him and about him
Not trying to belittle, shame, antagonize, or manipulate him
Husbands: love your wife the way Jesus loves you
Selflessly, sacrificially looking out for her good
Showing her the honor of knowing and acting on what will make her life better and more pleasant
Everyone: Praise God for his love for us shown in Jesus’ self-sacrificing love for our eternal good (Ephesians 5:25-27)
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